A pass through darkness

A year ago I experienced the most unexpected thing in my life. After six months of feeling lost, crying nonstop, doing yoga, exercising, eating healthy I determined that my attempt to get better on my own were unsuccessful. I had no choice but to accept that I needed medication in order to live a normal life.

I fought this idea with all my heart, especially because I think Americans, for the most part, tend to try to solve most problems by taking a pill, without working on the root cause of the problem.

Growing up with a psychoanalyst as a sister has shaped my many views of the world. I’m a firm believer of therapy and I go regularly, but this time none of my coping mechanisms were working for me.

I was scared, felt so powerless, and denied myself to get the required help until I hit rock bottom.

Being depressed is not a fun experience for anyone, but for an optimist and positive person like myself, the journey can be even worse as optimism can be a barrier to understanding a serious illness like depression.

Before experiencing depression, I always thought that with the exception of those who suffer from chronic depression, anyone with enough will, should be able to overcome it.

But clearly, I was wrong. It took almost six months to accept the fact that my optimism and willingness to feel better were not enough to get out of darkness where I was existing.

When I finally decided to go to a psychiatrist, I was scared and fearful. My main fear was becoming dependent on the medication, the side effects, etc. It took a lot of conversations with many of my friends who have similar experiences to agree to medical treatment.

A year has passed and now I’m off of the medication, thankfully. I am constantly working on the road to wellness because even for those who have been before, it is so easy to lose the path and to forget that once you were happy, healthy and joyful!

A thousand reasons to stay, a thousand reasons to leave

I’ve been living in Jacksonville for the past 10 years. I never dreamed of living in this city or even in this country, but life, God, the superior energy or whatever you call it,  has its own plans with our personal journeys, and mine was to come to the United States, the country in which my mom lived for a year right before I was born. My mom was so courageous that even though she had already three children, she left my dad and my siblings back in Colombia, to explore a better life for her family. Without speaking a word of English, she came, worked as a nanny and lived in the U.S. for a year. I’m still in shock of how courageous that decision must had been for the whole family. Right from that you can already tell, my family is really special. At that time, in the 70s, you could become a permanent resident of the United States after being here a year, so my mom was in that process and, thankfully for me, she decided to go back to visit my siblings and dad while her paperwork was being processed. I say thankfully because my mom got pregnant during her trip back home, my sister Deiry was born and later I came to this world.

In a way, I feel I’m following my mom’s path in life. She is the most passionate community organizer I’ve ever met. Her passion to help others is probably what keeps her going to this day. Even at 74 years old, she is still solving daily matters not only for family members, but for many of our neighbors. Recently, one of our neighbors lost his wife to cancer and my mom has not only been there for them, but she is even going to therapy with the whole family because it’s the right thing to do. That is my mom and I’m so proud of her.

My dad, in contrast to my mom, is a very quiet man who grew up as a farmer in big family. In my recent trip back home I learned so much from my dad’s side of the family and from my own history. I learned, for instance that my grandfather on my dad’s side was an avid reader, even though he didn’t have formal education. I learned that my dad, similar to my mom, sacrificed his chance to go to school so one of his siblings could have the same chance.  I learned that both my parents are the most selfless people I know. While I went with my dad to visit his hometown ( a town in which everybody is related to my dad, EVERYBODY) I witnessed one of the many selfless acts I constantly see of my parents. My dad gave the money I’d given to him to one of my cousins who does not have a job. I was so proud of him for having such a great heart.

I’ve been really blessed in my life in many ways. I grew up in a poor neighborhood in Cartagena, Colombia, which presented many challenges but many opportunities at the same time. Back home, we don’t have a strong government so all we have is each other. That clearly has taught me about the importance of family and community organizing. While growing up, I would always see fights between my mom and other adults who were defending our rights  to gain access to basic services such as drinkable water or paved streets. It took at least 30 years for my mom to achieve the dream of seeing her street paved, but she achieved it.

My parents always instilled in me the importance of education and as my dad would say, he used all the cattle he inherited from his parents to pay for the education of his six children. They were so clear that was the only way out of poverty and both my parents invested all their resources into raising good people. Thankfully we never experienced hunger, but we know about a life with limitations.

After a long journey that took me, first, to Mexico to pursue my masters degree in communication and education, I came to Jacksonville, a city  I’d never heard of until 2004. I was going to the theme parks in Orlando and I knew I had a college friend living somewhere in Florida. I came to visit her for a day and I fell in love with the St. Johns River. After several months of talking with my friend, I decided to come to Jacksonville to first improve my English and I eventually attend the doctoral program in educational leadership at UNF.

I completed my doctoral studies in five years even with English as my second language. I’m proud to say that I received multiple scholarships and that I don’t owe a penny for my education. It took hard work to complete my doctoral studies and being an English Language Learner (ELL) was my greatest advantage as I never had the chance to procrastinate. I was so blessed to pursue my education at UNF.  I received so much support at the College of Education that I decided to stay in Jacksonville and to give back to this city.

When I was close to finish my dissertation I remember several of my professors telling me that I could go anywhere in this country because of my credentials as a professor and researcher back in Colombia and Mexico, but I was determined to stay here in the city I had fallen in love with and wanted to contribute to. I considered moving to other cities, such as Washington, D. C., where I could pursue my dissertation topic: advocating for early childhood education for Hispanic children. As most of us know, Washington is the place where most federal policies are built and decided upon. However, after serious consideration I realized that I had more chances to influence education policy in this city than if I move somewhere else.

I’ve been working at the Jacksonville Public Education Fund as the Community Mobilization Director for over three years now. During three years I’ve gotten to know the diverse communities in this city. I attended more community meetings that I can account for. I love what I do and people can see that. I’ve been challenged by several leaders of the African American communities who initially didn’t believe in me or in what my organization was trying to accomplish. I have innumerable stories to tell, but the one that probably keeps me here is the story of Monique Tooks. She is a passionate and very critical African American leader on the westside of town. Three years ago we met and she told  me that she was going to check on me before she decide to engage with my organization. It took me three years to build a relationship with her. One day, unexpectedly, she gave me the best recognition a community organizer can get. She said: I’ve been watching you for over three years, and all I have to say is that you are authentic. That day, I left that place with tears in my eyes as I felt I was really following my mom’s steps. I do care too much about this city and about the diverse communities.

After 15 years of being far from those who I love the most I have made a difficult decision to soon move back home to Cali, Colombia.  I want to be closer to my family and my culture, but I also feel the moral obligation to go back and to help build a better country. Colombia is currently undergoing a peace negotiation with the guerrillas and I’m convinced that I can help to build a better future.

Leaving Jacksonville won't be  an easy decision. I love the city, my friends who have become family, and most importantly, I’m excited about seeing the “potential” of the city become a reality and not just a promise for the future.

Graduation rates have improved over 20% in the last five years, the communities’ voices are being heard and considered in many social projects. I’m excited to be part of a real social movement: ONE by ONE.

Are we there yet? Clearly not. We still have ways to go in terms of access, equity and quality of public education, but I’m hopeful and committed to seeing and  building greater results.

I have a thousand reasons to stay here at least for a couple of more years, as well as thousand reasons to go back to my country: Colombia. But regardless of where I am, I’m committed to always build a better world. Simple acts and provocative questions can change the world. I love provocative questions, I love uncomfortable conversations. What are you doing to build a better neighborhood, a better community, a better city, a better world? That is what I would love to hear from people.

Disruptive and provocative ideas that change the world

We all can change the world, and I recently had the incredible privilege of attending the 2015 Big Ideas Fest in San Jose, California. There I met hundreds of people who are disrupting the educational system under the premise that equity in education is the only way to build a more fair world.  Not equal, but fair, or at least more balanced. The Big Ideas Fest is an annual event in which educators from different parts of the world and background gather to build feasible solutions to improve education in the world.

The 2015 Big Ideas Fest was extremely inspiring not only because the high quality speakers, but more importantly because of the challenging questions that we all posed in search for innovative ways of disrupting the school to prison pipeline, a concept that is either relatively new or non existent in different parts of Latin America.

I grew up in a poor neighborhood in Cartagena, Colombia. When I say poor, I mean poor according to Latin America, not poor according to the United States.  This meant, among other things, living on an unpaved street that was transformed many times into a river when the rain was so heavy. Back home, government support for the poor is almost inexistent, so we only have family and community.

Despite the fact that both my parents didn’t finish elementary school, they had the provocative idea of giving the best possible education to their five children. I remember both my parents always telling me that they had no money or property to pass on to you, but they could pass on their passion for education and hands-on involvement in social issues. I clearly don’t know how they managed to send all five children to private school. With great sacrifices they sent three of their children (two of my sisters and me) up to college.  I grew up witnessing many community meetings where my mom was mobilizing our neighbors to fight for our rights and needs. To this date, at her 74 years, she is still fighting for those who have no voice or whose voice is almost inaudible. 

It took my mom and many other community leaders 30 years to get our street paved. Asking provocative and disruptive questions is clearly what has guided my mom. One day, she and my dad envisioned that their children needed to do better. All my siblings and I turned out to be good, compassionate people who are involved in social justice issues. Having a healthy and united family that is full of passion and lots of humor has compensated all my parents’ sacrifices. 

Thanks to their hard work, but more importantly to the provocative idea that education is the only way out, I applied during many years to innumerable scholarships so I could pursue my graduate education outside of my native Colombia. Thanks to many scholarships, I was able to complete my master’s degree in Communications in Mexico and my doctorate in education in Jacksonville, Florida, without having any student loans (Yup, I’m proud of that).

I’ve been living in Jacksonville, Florida for the last 10 years and I’m in love with this city. Even though I was encouraged by many of my professors to apply for jobs outside of Jacksonville, I always had the provocative idea of staying here and paying back not only this generous country, but the city I now call home.

When I was finishing my doctoral program, I tortured myself repeatedly with the question about what was next. Back home, I used to be a college professor. Teaching has always being my passion. From informal community action research projects to the classroom setting, I’ve always seen education, not information, as the only way of transforming the world. Yes, I dream big, but when I say the world I envision my immediate context. 

The effects of attending the 2015 Big Ideas Fest is not only permeating my work, but also my personal life. Mobilizing the local community to support a high quality of public education for all children in Jacksonville is my passion and mission in life. When I say I haven’t been able to sleep well it is because of all the excitement of many ideas that keep coming to my mind.

The list of speakers at Big Ideas Fest and their valuable stories was just unbelievable. Such impressive speakers, among many others, included Luis von Ahn, the creator of Duolingo;  Shiza Shahid, Co-Founder & Global Ambassador of the Malala Fund; and Dale Russakoff, author of The Prize, a recent bestseller that shares the story of Mark Zuckerberg’s investment in public education in Newark. The contrast of the stories of Brenda Rusnak, who shared the film Cyber-Seniors toKylee Majkowski, CEO of Tomorrow's Lemonade Stand, who at her only 12 years is teaching other children how to be entrepreneurs, really stole my heart.

During these three days the 200 participants had the opportunity not only to learn from people who have successfully disrupted the educational system, but to also be creators of some solutions that I’m certain will make education in all its spheres better for everyone. Personally I was inspired, challenged and, more importantly, recommitted to play a more significant role in creating provocative solutions for a world that is in desperate need of humanity. 

I would like to share a personal experience that I can probably related also to this revolutionary and inspiring conference. I celebrate my birthday every year as long as I can. Yup, I create countdowns, Facebook events, reminders, emails, and I bug all my friends to celebrate my life. I’ve been always like that but I became more persistent five years ago, after I almost died of two complicated surgeries. During the last five years, I’ve partied a lot. I always choose a nice big restaurant because none of my friends’ houses could accommodate over 50 people! 

Throughout this year, I have been particularly disturbed with the rejection to refugees in the United States, especially Syrians. During a dinner with two of my good friends, I came up with the idea of asking my friends to donate a gift card for local refugees instead of buying a present to me. The idea grew to a level I never expected: my incredible and generous friends donated $760 dollars in gift cards that I donated to Catholic Charities, one of the organizations who work locally with refugees. That money, during Christmas time, buys more than material things for the thousands of people that every year are forced to leave their countries, their cultures, their lives. A simple but provocative question can change the world of those who are willing to be uncomfortable and experience other ways of living this wonderful gift called life.

Thanks to the incredible team at the Institute for the Study of Knowledge and Management in Education (ISKME) and to the many people I had the privilege of meeting during the conference. I suspect this is just a new beginning for somebody like me who is constantly asking questions. Yes, provocative questions. During my three days at Big Ideas Fest, I was energized, inspired and fed not only in my body but also in my soul. I learned so much about design thinking, engaging community techniques, but more importantly I confirmed that those who are able to ask provocative questions are the ones changing the world.